Heavenly Father’s Day

June 21st rolls around year after year

Celebrating fathers everywhere

The joy on children’s faces when they so proudly give their hero, their dad a drawn out card

The same joy I’d get every year giving my dad a gift

A gift that I’ll never be able to give again

If I could only send a message to heaven and see my dad’s smile once again

If I could only give him a ring and chat for a bit

If I could only squeeze him again and feel safe in his arms

If I could only ride one more drive with him

If I could only buy him one more gift

I would, without a shadow of doubt

The first man in my life who loved me

The man who instilled love, kindness and compassion into my heart

The man who taught me life lessons

The man who taught me to be strong and independent

The man I’ll always and forever love and miss

My heart aches even still today for this man

The man I so proudly call Dad, not here in flesh but in spirit

For I know you are always with me

I often wonder what Father’s Day is like in heaven

I hope it’s as beautiful as your soul

As happy as you were when you gave that first haircut to all the kids

As elated as the evening your first grandson was born

I’d like to believe it’s an elegance like no other

A beauty so grand that leaves you in awe

To you I send a heavenly Father’s Day message

Always and forever in my heart

Happy Father’s Day Dad!!

Mmcb

6/21/20

No Remorse​

Comes and goes as it pleases

No remorse, no care for me

Down for the count I go

As I lay here in agony

Tortured hoping the pain will stop

Pain radiating and pulsating through and through

Glimpses of hope, soon gone away

The pain creeps up quickly and lingers

Severe as it radiates down, down, down

Numbs me but numbs me not enough

Close my eyes, that would be wise

Only if it were so

Sleep, pain…only to toss and turn

Medicine, oh no it is not feasible

Booze…yeah, only gives me the blues

That is not the answer

Out of options, nothing left to do

Silently suffer in agony

Patiently waiting for my victory

Here, helplessly growing wearily

Please, I beg, make it stop already!

MichMcB

5/26/17

Flawed

Being too nice, is that such a thing?

It has always been a part of what makes me, me.

It can sometimes be perceived as being naive.

Naive to the fact that people use your own niceness against you.

Sometimes people take everything they can from you until you’re left broken.

Being too nice makes you see people in a dimmer light than they may be shinning in.

It can make you weak and vulnerable to those around you.

I never thought being too nice was a flaw, I’m second guessing myself.

I suppose I’ve gotten wiser with age and experience or perhaps I have gotten burned one too many times.

Being too nice, where does it truly lead you, but let downs, heartbreaks and hurt?

Is it really worth it?

I’m not so sure anymore.

Mich McB

3/9/17

Time’s ticking

Tick…Tick

Creeping up, stealing fun away

Tick…Tick

Creeping up, stealing laughs away

Tick…Tick

Creeping up, stealing joy away

Tick…Tick

Creeping up, stealing love away

Tick…Tick

Creeping up, stealing sanity away

Neither here nor there

Stuck in a place that feels surreal

A place where there’s nothing I can do to make the hurt and pain go away

A place that I have no control

A place where my physical being wants to jump in, make it better

Incapable of such simplicity

My hands cuffed behind my back

All I can do is sit back, relax and attempt not to stress or worry of the days slowly drifting away

Time ticking as my brain sits within my cranium like a ball of mush

Memories continually fade away into the forgotten past

Thoughts sometimes twisted up like a pretzel

My head ticking down to zero about to explode any second now

At times feeling like I’m flying high above the sky

No one able to help

No way to speed up recovery

The sulci ball of mush in control

She has no mercy on me

Currently, life as I know it has been abruptly put on hold

What seems like an eternity won’t be I know eventually there will be an end to all this madness

The feeling of helplessness is enough to drive anyone mad

One cannot truly understand what it’s like to walk in another’s shoes until they have walked in them themselves

Tick…Tick time is-a-ticking

MichMcB

May 23, 2017

Vulnerable to Love

Cowardly, it hunts the vulnerable. Gains trust with charm, knowing all the right things to say.

Out on a prowl scowling about. Filled with excitement for the pain it yearns to cause.

The enjoyment awaits, the satisfaction of luring you in.

Just enough time to serve sweet nothings only to soon tear it away. Ripping your heart out, squeezing all signs of life.

Throbbing, struggling and gasping for air.

Tearing piece by piece ever so slowly.

Just when relief seems to be surfacing, quickly mistaken. Stomping, poking, prodding, stabbing.

Being sure to take its sweet time. Fulfillment at the expense of the vulnerable.

Backed into a corner all exposed with no where to hide.

No other choice other than to endure the excruciating pain set before.

A pained and broken reflection, no longer recognizable.

All banged, bruised and cut up. Pieces here and there, scattered about, drained out.

Scarred and protected, be it forever.

Feel the tearing of pieces, broke and robbed of warmth and sincere love.

True happiness stripped away, into the abyss gone forever.

To mend, it shall with time.

Left lingering, how long til’ hurt is no more?

Once before, being(self) never to return

Anew broken, changed forever, being (self)never the same.

Michmcb

2/21/17

Simple Pleasures

We go through every day rushing around, making a living, providing for our families….just living. Most people go through life so fast they forget to slow down and enjoy life. Usually, the last thing we think about is that this life will one day forever be gone. Slow down, smell the flowers in bloom, take a deep breath in of the fresh brisk air, enjoy the summer’s sun hitting your skin, the sight of the shapes of clouds, the sound of birds chirping, the bees buzzing, the crickets as the day has turned to dark, admire the way the trees transform from season to season, enjoy a walk, let out a laugh, give someone a smile, joke around, be silly and take that trip that you’ve been putting off. One day we will leave the people we care and love behind. Allow your inner child to live every once in a while. So don’t take life so serious all the time.

Feels

I want to take you into every cell of my being and have you fill me like sunlight in a room at high noon. I want to breathe you, sleep you and wake to you. My body aches for you, my heart sings because of you. I tell my heart to be still but it races at the sight of you. Like the sun and horizon; close but yet so far yet I feel your warmth on my skin. I don’t know the how or why of it. I just know how I feel.

Nony

Sammy

My partner in crime…..he’s always by my side
Doesn’t care how I look
Doesn’t love me any less if I lose my cool
Every morning sees me off and always greets me with joy when I walk in
He lets me sleep in and waits patiently for me to wake
Knows I don’t like kisses on my face
Occasionally sneaks some in, it’s okay
I rescued him, but reality is…he rescued me
Dogs love is an unconditional love
He’s my fur baby
He’s Sammy Dukes!

My Angel

Always just a phone call away

Only a short drive out

Heart always loving

Hands forever helping

Door always opened welcoming anyone to eat, chat

or just hang out

Genuine friend, that you were

Cherished family, yes you did

The pain still so fresh

Missing you no less than when you left

Leaving me behind to be strong

My heart, a piece forever gone

Feeling you but can’t reach

Hearing you but can’t speak

Entering my dreams, is it so?

Only to wake to you being no more

Your love instilled in me, share it, that I will

The love you spread shall carry on

Through me if it’s the last thing I do

Once my protector, now my angel

Flying high above free soul

Forever missing you

Happy Birthday Daddy!

♾JFM♾

01/17/59-11/08/05

MM (01/17/20)

Quiet the Noise

Listen, do you hear that?

Tap… tap…tap…

No time, always rushing to and fro

No time to think, keep busy

Time goes by quicker, almost done, keep going

The noise of busyness drowns out the sounds

Out of sight out of mind, they say… it works

It’s fine, it’ll be fine, it’s good

Chaos of life, of the world keeps it all at bay

BUT, for how long will these sand bags hold up

Awaken another day only to be greeted with it

Never fails, like clock work always there

Refuses to leave, refuses to stop, loss control

Taps get louder as hours, days go by

Mute it as quiet as can be, numbness fills

Neither here nor there, where, why?

Less painful not to feel, not to deal

Sometimes ready to fold, left unsure

Bluff to fool the psyche, is it so… can it be?

No looking, no peeking, out of mind out of sight, so they say

It only gets louder and louder with each passing day

To know what needs to be done, no strength

Allowing fear to rule, not so brave

Quite the opposite, wouldn’t you say?

To answer the loudness, the screeches Excruciating sounds gnawing away

Secretly pleading to escape the cage

Hands tied with nowhere to go, no way out

Not as it should be, change the narrative

Take the reigns, gain back control

Eye to eye is the only way to be free

Oh to feel free, heart no longer heavy

Shed the weight off the blades

Both will bleed, both will hurt, both will mend

Defer it no longer, too much time has passed

Too much wasted, sludge flushed away

Sometimes forever just isn’t forever, it’s ok

It’ll be fine, it’ll be ok, it’ll keep on

Flourish into a new creature, peaceful

Uncaged, unchained, free it be to fly

Old endings to shed, new beginnings ahead

Tough it may be, stronger it shall be

Michmcb

05/27/20